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Phrases like “You’re so strong” or “You’re incredibly resilient” are often said with the best of intentions, but for someone who has endured significant trauma, these words can feel dismissive or even minimising. While they may acknowledge a person’s ability to endure, they rarely consider the emotional cost of survival or the complexity of recovery.
Understanding the difference between resilience and survival is essential for supporting individuals in their healing journeys. This blog will explore these concepts, unpack the unintended consequences of praising survival as resilience, and offer trauma-informed strategies for creating psychological safety.
Survival vs Resilience: What’s the Difference?
Survival is the immediate response to trauma or danger. It’s about enduring, often through instinctual or unconscious coping strategies. This might include suppressing emotions, detaching from reality, or engaging in behaviours that provide a sense of safety in the short term. While these strategies are necessary in the moment, survival does not address the long-term emotional and psychological impact of trauma.
In contrast, resilience is about adapting and finding ways to thrive in the face of adversity. The British Psychological Society describes resilience as the process of maintaining or regaining mental well-being after experiencing hardship. Resilience isn’t about “bouncing back” to how things were before; it’s about integrating experiences into a new sense of self and learning to move forward in a way that feels meaningful and sustainable.
The Problem with “You’re So Strong”
When someone is told they’re “so strong” or “so resilient” after enduring trauma, it can feel like their pain is being overlooked. These comments, however well-meant, can send the message that the act of surviving should be enough and that deeper feelings of pain, grief, or exhaustion are less valid.
For many, this kind of language creates pressure to maintain a facade of strength, making it harder to seek support or express vulnerability. The assumption that resilience is inherent or automatic can also undermine the need for external resources, such as counselling, community support, or safe environments, which are often critical for true healing.
A trauma-informed perspective recognises that survival and resilience are not the same. Surviving is a response to trauma; resilience is a journey that takes time, support, and safety to develop.
Resilience as a Process, Not a Trait
Resilience is not an innate characteristic but a set of skills and resources that can be cultivated. According to the NHS, resilience involves behaviours, thoughts, and actions that help individuals adapt to challenges and recover from adversity. Key factors include access to supportive relationships, a sense of hope, and opportunities for empowerment and growth.
Importantly, resilience is not linear. People may feel strong one day and overwhelmed the next. Recognising this variability is essential for fostering environments that support recovery.
How to Foster Psychological Safety: A Trauma-Informed Approach
Creating psychological safety is fundamental for helping individuals move from survival to resilience. Here are five trauma-informed principles to guide your approach:
- Prioritise Emotional Safety
Create an environment where individuals feel heard and validated. Avoid dismissive statements like “You’ll get through this” and instead say, “It’s okay to feel this way.” - Build Trust
Consistency, reliability, and transparency are critical. Honour commitments and create a sense of predictability in interactions to foster trust. - Empower Choice and Autonomy
Trauma often involves a loss of control, so offering choices and involving individuals in decisions about their care or recovery can help restore a sense of agency. - Validate Survival Strategies
Recognise that survival mechanisms, even those that might seem maladaptive, serve a purpose during times of crisis. Support individuals in exploring healthier coping strategies at their own pace. - Encourage Connection
The Mental Health Foundation highlights the importance of supportive relationships in building resilience. Encourage connections with trusted friends, family, or professional networks to provide a sense of belonging.
Shifting the Narrative
Understanding the difference between survival and resilience allows us to better support those who have experienced trauma. Survival is about enduring; resilience is about thriving. By shifting from “You’re so strong” to “Your experiences are valid, and you deserve the space to heal,” we create environments that foster recovery and growth.
At Reflect Training, we are committed to promoting trauma-informed practices that empower individuals and organisations to build safe, supportive spaces. Let’s work together to create a world where resilience is nurtured, and survival is honoured as part of the healing journey.